SML #186 - trusting
LESSONS LEARNED
In November we bought three packages of Red Wax Amaryllis bulbs at Costco.
We’ve bought them before. They bloom after Christmas when it’s coldest. Ours from this year is still blooming.
Three bulbs per package. Around 20 bucks a package. For 9 bulbs. A bargain. They’re $20 for ONE bulb on Amazon.
They’re great gifts that are appreciated long after you give it.
When we were getting them, I told my wife, “Grab a whole bunch of packages.”
“Nine bulbs are plenty,” she said.
I said, “Get enough to give a bunch away, they’re so inexpensive. They’ll bring joy when it’s cold.”
“No, this is plenty.”
She gave a couple of bulbs to our two daughters.
And a couple more to others who happened to be there at the time. She didn’t like others seeing someone getting a bulb and they didn’t get one.
When December came we were heading out of state for a family Christmas gathering with her sisters and families.
She has six living siblings. And the siblings have grown kids we’re close to.
There were maybe four bulbs left.
We decided to get more before we left.
Went back to Costco, but they were out. They always run out fast. That’s why I said “get a bunch.”
We went back to Costco a couple more times before the trip. No more bulbs. We asked them to check if they were getting more - “Nope.”
On the way to see her sisters we stopped at a Costco by the Interstate in another state. No bulbs.
We got to the old hometown. Gave my sister one of the bulbs.
Three of my wife’s sisters live in the hometown. They got the last three bulbs. We saw them first.
When the family gathering happened, we had no bulbs left. So the other sisters didn’t get one. They didn’t even know we had had any.
This week, one of the sisters posted a picture of her blooming bulb on a text thread everyone was on. She bragged about it. “Brenda and Gary's bulb is still blooming!”
Everyone noticed. So now some family felt special, and some family felt not special. That’s not what you want.
Brenda explained the whole thing to them, that we only had a certain number, and we tried to get more.
She explained she wasn’t playing favorites, she just gave them to who she saw first. She didn’t even get one herself. They understood.
Still, you don’t want people you love feeling left out.
Here’s my lesson. And it’s not about bulbs.
The last few months after the gathering, I kept thinking, “why not just get enough bulbs right away?”
But I never said out loud, “If you’d listened to me, everybody’d be happy now sharing bloom pictures.”
And then yesterday, after the text thing, I did say it.
“If you’d listened to me…”
Because it really did feel like she had ignored me. So I said it.
And she said,
“Yeah, I know. I told everyone I should have listened to you, that you told me to get more. I told them you pushed me for it but I wouldn’t listen.”
Then the biggie. She said,
“I told them even though you were right you hadn’t said, ‘I told you so,’ and I appreciated it.”
She appreciated me not pointing out I was right.
And then I pointed out I was right.
Darn!
I was right there with being the kind of person I want to be - the kind who lets God be God, who lets him speak to her without me having to redeem myself and make myself look good.
And I was given credit for being that kind of person. And she did it in front of others.
But then I had to make sure that I knew she knew I was that kind of person.
And in doing that, I wasn’t that kind of person.
I was a person who had to work to make sure I got credit. That’s not the kind of person I want to be.
I actually did say to her, “Darn, I wish I could have trusted.” We both laughed a little.
I think we’re always being given little opportunities to trust in common everyday things.
What kind of person do you want to be?
WORTH REPEATING
“The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself. He is beginning, so to speak, to ‘inject’ His kind of life and thought, into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the part that is still tin.” - C. S. Lewis
WORTH TRYING
Here’s a way to see what kind of person you really want to be -
Notice times when you feel contentious or negative toward your spouse. When you feel emotions that you have to try to control.
Then ask yourself,
“What kind of person would I need to be to survive feeling this way? To not lash out, or hate them, or make it worse? What kind of person would I have to be to not let this derail me?”
Just see if you can be aware.
Then maybe you ask yourself “Is that the kind of person God wants to shape me to be?”
We can pay attention to that if we want to.
Thank you for reading!
"You make known to me the path of life" - King David
You matter
To ask a question or share what's challenging you, just hit reply.
Gary
JUST IN CASE . . .
The Simpler Marriage Instagram is a bite-size on-the-go version of the kinds of things you get in this letter. Not the exact same content, but the same approach. If you’re on IG, you can see and follow HERE.
If you find the tone or attitude in these letters helpful, I wrote A Family Shaped by Grace from the same posture you get here. Everything in it applies to marriage, but it shows how it also applies to kids, grown kids, in-laws, etc. Here it is.