SML #193 - twice in one day
LESSONS LEARNED
We had to pick up taxes.
And my wife Brenda had a doctor appointment at 2.
The taxes were out of town about 30 minutes, in a town where we like to have dinner.
I thought we could try to do it all in one trip.
But if we went to get the taxes after the doctor appointment, it would be too early for dinner. And it’s a small town with nothing to do.
So I thought maybe we could go another 25 minutes past that town to another town we like, do some shopping there, then come back to the tax town, get the taxes before they close at 5, and then have dinner.
But, I’m not sure the timing fits.
I say,
“If we’re out of the doctor appointment at 2:30, drive 30 minutes through the tax town, then drive on to the other town, it will be 3:30. We’ll have an hour before we have to head back to the tax town.”
And if we’re out of the appointment later than 2:30 or so, we probably won’t have enough time to do the whole thing. We won’t have time to hit the second town and get back by 5 to get the taxes.”
I was really working the thinking and planning.
And she’s looking at me like I’m crazy.
She says,
“Why don’t we stop at the tax town and pick up the taxes on the way to the other town? We’re going through the tax town anyway to get there. Then on our way back from the second town we stop and have dinner in the tax town. It doesn’t matter what time it is because we already have the taxes.”
Oh. We were driving past the tax place anyway, on our way to the second town.
We could just stop in the first town twice.
Of course. Anyone could see that.
Unless you’re used to overconfidence and overthinking, eh?
So then we’re on our way to the doctor appointment.
We leave with plenty of time to spare.
I have her give me the address and I put it into google.
We’re familiar with the area, but there are a bunch of medical buildings and I want to make sure we go to the right one.
We’re close, and google says it’s on the left up ahead.
Brenda says, “No it’s on the right, I think it’s the same place I’ve always gone for this.”
I think, “But you gave me the address and I put it in google and it says it’s on the left.”
We’ve gone to the wrong office for appointments in the past because we thought we knew where we were going. That’s why I make sure I put the address in the map thing, just to make sure.
Do I go with what she’s saying or do I go with the address she gave me?
And then google has a glitch, and the map goes wonky right as we’re close to turning either left or right to go to the office.
This is where I have some kind of freaky inner response. I get way more emotional and anxious than what’s needed. Another of my faults.
We have plenty of time, we can go to both places if needed. No big deal.
But I’m tense and agitated and short with her.
And then - “Oh wait, I put ‘1410’ into google. It’s supposed to be ‘1401’”
I put the wrong address in. She’s right, it’s across the street from what my google said.
Twice in one day!
Overthinking! Overplanning! Overconfidence! Assuming you’re seeing straight! The usual stuff.
This is not limited to males.
She’s done the same thing, but I throw only myself under the bus to be your example, for the sake of making the world a better place.
The tenseness lasted a few minutes. But she’s full of grace and we move on.
In the old days I would be mad at myself and we would argue and get mad and defensive and bring up things like “you always” and “you never.”
We don’t do that anymore. Now it just reminds me to be more aware of myself. It reminds me I want to be on the road of humility.
And it reminds me to give the same grace to her when she does it.
WORTH REPEATING
“Pride is your greatest enemy, humility your greatest friend.” - John R.W. Stott
WORTH TRYING
Question I asked at dinner -
“Do you remember what it was like transitioning from elementary school to middle school?”
It’s just an “I’m curious about you” question.
She said things I’ve never heard in 50+ years.
One thing she remembered was that it seemed that in elementary school, teachers were rooting for her. In middle school it didn’t feel that way and it affected her in a way she didn’t like.
I felt like I knew her a little better, and my heart softened towards her.
A small question, another piece of connection.
Most little questions you ask won’t get much of an answer, but some will.
And just asking says you care.
Thank you for reading!
"O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you." - King David
You matter.
Gary
JUST IN CASE . . .
The Simpler Marriage Instagram is a bite-size on-the-go version of the kinds of things you get in this letter. Not the exact same content, but the same approach. If you’re on IG, you can see and follow HERE.
If you find the tone or attitude in these letters helpful, I wrote A Family Shaped by Grace from the same posture you get here. Everything in it applies to marriage, but it shows how it also applies to kids, grown kids, in-laws, etc. Here it is.