SML #196 - everyday scene
LESSONS LEARNED
One night this week a car backed into our mailbox. Ripped the mailbox door off.
We didn’t see it until the morning.
Only the mailbox was damaged, not the post it was on.
There’s a label inside the mailbox that tells who makes them.
They’re local and all the mailboxes in the neighborhood are made by them and are exactly the same.
But it’s a 40 minute drive to get there. They ship them, but it’s an extra $35 to ship it, even though it’s only 40 minutes.
We could drive there but we never go to that area of the city.
Brenda says, “Could Lowe’s have them?” Lowe’s is 5 minutes away.
I think, yeah, maybe I should look there. But it’s not going to be the same box.
At the same time, there’s a neighborhood yard sale this weekend, and we have chairs and lamps and a mower we want to get rid of.
I have a big red arrow sign I made a few years ago that we’ve used to guide cars to our cul-de-sac.
But I don’t have a pole thing to put it on.
I told her “I’ll get a long stick at Lowes when I check out the mailboxes at the same time.”
She says, “What about those metal poles in the shed we use for lights at Christmas?”
Hmmm. I go look at them. I have no idea how we’d make those work for the sign, but maybe.
I head for Lowe’s.
If this was the old days, I would have instantly insisted we get the mailbox from the “official” place. We have an HOA that’s going to want consistency. Why waste time at Lowe’s?
And I would have thought her idea for the sign post wouldn’t work. I didn’t see how we could attach it, so forget it. I would have just got the pole sticks.
But I’ve been humbled over time.
In recent years I’ve seen how right she often is.
It was kind of surprising at first, because I didn’t think I could actually be blind for so long.
But she kept being righter and righter. After awhile it became embarrassing.
When I started noticing, it made me wonder, have I been an arrogant blind idiot all these years?
Well, yes. And I’ve been trying to make up for it since.
Back to today. I get to Lowe’s. They have a bunch of the EXACT same mailboxes. And for ten bucks cheaper. Well!
I don’t know yet if the sign pole idea will work. I’m just going to give it all to her and let her figure it out.
When I headed to Lowe’s, before I found the mailbox, I was in a bad mood. And I told her I was, because I didn’t want to be alone with my bad mood.
She didn’t try to talk me out of it or anything.
After I left, she texted me, “This’ll make you feel better ”
With the text was this lighthearted video of Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da
When I got home she asked, “Do you feel better?”
Well, yes. “But not from the video - from you caring.”
I told her I got the exact same mailbox and saved money.
She felt good about being listened to by her husband.
She felt good about being able to be valuable in fixing something with me.
She felt good about making me feel better.
She felt good about her husband sharing his bad mood with her.
We both felt close and respectful and appreciative of each other.
It’s almost always the daily stuff adding up that nurtures us or wrecks us. Nurturing is way better.
WORTH REPEATING
“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received, with tender humility and quiet patience, always demonstrating gentleness and generous love toward one another, especially toward those who may try your patience.” - Ephesians
WORTH TRYING
“How can I make your day better today?”
Asking this can be a big step if you’re not used to initiating connection and caring in your relationship.
It can even be shocking, in a good way.
You might even get a snarky answer at first if your spouse isn’t used to hearing that question. Asking again the next day can let them know you mean it.
And even if you’re normally caring and connecting, this is a good question. Brenda and I ask each other this regularly.
Thank you for reading!
"He who keeps you will not slumber." - King David
You matter
Gary
JUST IN CASE . . .
The Simpler Marriage Instagram is a bite-size on-the-go version of the kinds of things you get in this letter. Not the exact same content, but the same approach. If you’re on IG, you can see and follow HERE.
If you find the tone or attitude in these letters helpful, I wrote A Family Shaped by Grace from the same posture you get here. Everything in it applies to marriage, but it shows how it also applies to kids, grown kids, in-laws, etc. Here it is.